One of my team members said this last week, and I loved it. Molly wasn’t talking about always keeping busy and never resting. She was talking about what happens when we allow ourselves to sit and stew over something that didn’t go the way we hoped or some mistake or epic fail of ours. It’s really hard to get movin’ on and movin’ on up, Weezie, if we’re still brooding over the past.*
So here’s a challenge for you: Write down all the things you’re holding onto, and then for every DWELL, do one of my favorite practices: REVIEW, REVISE, RELEASE.
REVIEW requires us to think about what happened and why. I know it’s hard because it forces us to relive what happened and risk feeling the guilt, regret, pain and/or shame again. But it’s the only way for us to get to the good stuff about the times we flop—what we can learn from them. The why part is especially important because it gives us the clues we need to void repeating the behavior.
REVISE prompts us to problem solve about how we can avoid repeating the same behavior.
RELEASE commands us to let it go—that it happened and all the icky emotions around it. If you do the first two steps, this one is actually possible because you’ve faced the pain head-on and found the lessons to be learned.
What you’re doing through this process is forgiving yourself. Over the years, among the many, many things I’ve forgiven myself for:
My many eff ups in relationships.
That I was a crappy employee because I didn’t love my profession and wanted to be my own boss.
Snapping at my husband when he didn’t deserve it.
The chances I didn’t take because I was scared.
I do this process as soon as possible after one of my dwell-able missteps or mishaps, and I hope you do to. But right now, you get to do a full cleaning house of what you’re dwelling on. Here’s your blueprint, so grab your journal or even printer paper and get writing.
I need to forgive myself for ___________________.
REVIEW: What happened?
REVISE: How can I prevent this from happening ion the future?
RELEASE: Who deserves an apology, and when and how will I do it? (Often times it’s ourselves.)
I’d love for you to share what you’re applying the 3 Rs to in your life in the comments. And here’s to your release from the ick, and living lighter and wiser!
*You may be too young to get this reference. It’s from The Jeffersons, one of Norman Lear’s groundbreaking sitcoms from 1975-1985. George and Louise “Weezie” Jefferson are icons. And now you know. You’re welcome.